Poor Song
by Rifecat96
Summary: A narrative of 2D's first few months out of his coma.


**Writer's note:**

**Here's something I've mulled over for a while.**

**A narrative of 2D's experience after D-day- told from the point of view of a young man with severe brain damage.**

**This started out as a poem, but gradually became a story. The grammar is supposed to be fucked up at the beginning, and it gets better as he becomes more aware.**

**This one's for Karen O.**

**Love, Cat**

* * *

_**People will say all kinds of things  
But that don't mean a damn to me  
'Cause all I see is what's in front of me  
And that's you**_

_**-**_** Yeah Yeah Yeahs**

* * *

he is on his face

he tastes gravel and metal and dust

the metal is red and comes from his mouth and his nose and his eyes

he can only see what is straight ahead of him and has to turn his face to look around but it hurts his head when he does it

he can't remember anything

he tries to stand and falls on his knees

he does it again and stumbles to his feet

he can't remember

he can't think straight and his head HURTS

he tries hard to think

he tries to think of his name

_wanker_

_tin can_

_can_

_soup can_

"Campbell?" he says and it's not right

he tries to say his dad's name

"Brown girl in the ring- tra-lala-lala" he sings "Brown girl in the ring- tra-lalalalala…"

_no_

_no no no_

"He's an old altar boy, lying out there in the street, an old altar boy…"

"Bound up in leather and chains…"

_no_

_no no no no thats not it_

_not at all_

_what was your name_

_it was jeff_

_no it wasn't jeff_

_no_

_think harder_

"Oi, you! Stewart!"

_YES thats it that must be it_

_but it isn't_

_but it is_

_it is and it isn't_

he turns around and his head hurts more

he looks at the man who is calling him

"Wos that you? Were you the one singing Tom Waits?"

_tom waits, but what for?_

his dad used to say that

"Answer me, dullard!"

the greasy man is his friend

he knows Stewart's(?) name

but Stewart doesn't know who he is

"Euh… who you..?

"Murdoc Niccals. Your, ah, bandmate."

"Uh'm, ah, en-en eh band?"

"Yeah, with me!"

"Woh do uh play?"

"You sing, of course! Unless you can do anything else."

_but i can play the the thing_

_the boring_

_the bored_

"The lock."

_the key_

"The key-bored."

"Key board? That's good! That's very- I've got one in my studio, would you like to try that one out?"

_no not now_

"Head… hurts."

_i need mum mum will know_

"Pills. For head-hurts."

"You're talking nonsense, boyo. I'm taking you back to the studio."

"Woll ther be pills?"

"Yeah, whatever."

* * *

inside the studio bathroom there is a mirror

but the reflection is not right

_i have eyes_

_i had eyes_

_faces should have eyes_

"Whar are…"

he touches his own cheek and his head keeps hurting

_how can i see with no eyes_

"Don't stress, mate. Think of it as an improvement. A-a _unique image_. It'll draw crowds. The man with two holes in his head. Two-dents… Two-D!"

_2D_

_2D 2D 2D_

"Twoooo-dy."

it is easy to say and spell and he is sure of it

not like 'Stewart'

"Yeah, 2D! Not bad at all! Now, to business!"

* * *

Murdoc wants him to play the key-bored

2D plays Ziggy Stardust and Freddie Mercury and something he doesn't recognize- maybe he made it up

but Murdoc likes all of it and 2D decides he also likes Murdoc

then 2Ds head hurts too much and he keels over and vomits and he isn't awake anymore

* * *

_bright light_

_too bright_

_head hurts_

_white sheeps_

_shh-_

_sheets_

_bed-sheets_

_hospital_

_mum_

"Mum?" but the room is empty but for him

but mum should be here

this is where she gets the pills

"Muuuuuhm?"

there are voices outside the door

"…heard him, he's awake! Let me in!"

there is arguing and a fight and the door opens and a girl rushes in

he knows her and he knows he likes her

"Rachel?"

she only stares at him

"Stew-pot."

_no not Rachel_

_Rachel is mum_

he keeps looking at the girl

he can't remember her name

she has big front teeth like the rat from Toad Hall

"Ratty!" he says but that's not it

Murdoc laughs from the door

"No, dullard, but close!"

"You did this to him, cunt!"

she's yelling at Murdoc and calling him names and Stew-pot knows he's upset her but he hadn't meant to

but he has to remember

then she won't be so upset

"He doesn't know who I am anymore!"

"Didn't you hear him? He's on the right track."

_but i know i swear i know i just can't remember_

_it's not a rat_

_it's bird_

_some kind of bird_

_cockatoo_

_toucan_

"Seagull."

_albatross_

"Canary."

_no_

_mynah_

_hummingbird_

_mustard_

_mustard is not a bird_

_peacock_

_pelican_

"Emu."

_is an emu a bird?_

_parakeet_

_no parrot_

_yes parrot_

_pieces of eight_

_polly wonna-_

"Paula." he says and he's finally got it

she's not mad anymore

she takes his hand and suddenly nothing is wrong

* * *

The refrigerator makes a loud buzzing noise

It makes his headache even worse

"Ken ye turn it down?"

"Turn wot down?"

"The-the thing. The buzz."

"The what?"

"The fuck. The frick. The white box what buzzes."

"The fridge?"

"Yeah, the frick- the fridge."

"I can't control the noise it makes, Stew."

_no you can't_

_like I can't control what I say_

"…head hurts…"

She leads him out of the kitchen and back to bed.

She gives him his medicine.

* * *

Paula writes his name on the door of his room, so he won't forget which one is his and that's when he sees that his name is STUART, STUART with a U, not STEWART with an EW.

And that's good because who wants to be STEWART with an EW.

* * *

Murdoc doesn't like Paula.

He doesn't like the ways she plays guitar.

He thinks she's ugly and bad-tempered.

"I dunno what you see in her, faceache."

Murdoc passes 2D a bottle.

He does not drink it.

Drinking gives him headaches.

"She's a slag. She'll only ruin the band's image."

Murdoc drinks a lot.

For him the headache only comes the next day.

_the head-over_

_the HANG-over_

"I luff her. And she luffs me."

Murdoc's laugh is loud and adjacent.

_adjacent_

_obtuse_

_obscene_

"Believe me, mate. There'll be plenty of birds out there for you once she's gone. Especially when you're famous."

_but I don't want another bird_

_I want parrot-_

_Paula._

"But Paula says it's a waste of time. She says the music in-distry manufactures all its new acts."

"I don't think you even know what that means."

2D is silent.

* * *

It's too dark for him to see.

He can feel her mouth on him.

On his skin and his face and neck.

On his mouth.

Paula asks for permission and he nods.

She wraps herself around him.

She's the only real thing left in the world, her and the sheets and pillows they're nestled in, and her body moving against his.

She thrusts and he tries to keep up.

She relaxes.

She rests on him.

He wishes he could give her more.

* * *

The new band-mate is big.

_Big and scary._

_Like a whale._

_Or Big Bird._

_Or a whale._

He has milky white eyes.

2D wonders if he is blond.

_Blind._

Murdoc and Paula brought him to Kong with a bag over his head.

They are getting along better than they used to.

_That's good._

_Right?_

_Because they don't fight anymore._

_Right?_

"Ello. Uh'm 2D."

"You got a little something down your chin."

2D wipes his mouth.

* * *

Drinking is easier than it used to be. It doesn't make his headaches any worse but he can only handle one or two before he falls asleep.

It bothers him that he can't respond the way he wants to when he's with Paula. It always happens too fast and she's always the one who leads.

He knows it's never satisfying for her.

She's alone in the recording room, strumming her guitar. She looks metabolic.

_No no_

_Melancholic._

Her hair is unkempt and her face in unwashed. Her eyes have dark shadows under them. There is a black smudge on her nose where she's wiped her

_Cologne_

_Cologne is perfume_

_Eye-SHAT_

_Eye-SHOWER_

_Eye-SHADOW_

_Eye-LINER!_

_Mascara?_

_MAKE UP, her MAKE UP_

She's looking at him.

"Rabbit."

_No, Ratty._

_NO, PARROT-_

_DO'H!_

"Yea, honeybear?"

He's turning pink now.

"Paula." He corrects himself and sits down next to her.

He feels dumb and defective beside her. Surely she deserves better than a man with a broken face. A half-wit who can't remember her name.

He can't please her. He can't tell her his feelings. He can't even hold a decent condensation.

_Conversation._

"Uh'm sorry."

She stops playing.

"Don't be sorry."

"But I-"

"Don't. Don't feel that way. Don't apologize."

She's crying now.

"It's not your fault. Really its not."

He's upset her again like a complete idiot.

_Stupid stupid stupid stupid-_

He wants to hold her and tell her it'll be okay, that he's mending himself; in time he'll be able to talk proper.

But he can't talk right. Not to her.

He takes a pill from his pocket and drops it in her hand.

* * *

2D loves singing. When he sings he doesn't have to stop and think about the words. He doesn't make mistakes. It all flows perfectly out of his mouth.

Paula seems distant and

_Engine_

_Exhaust_

exausted. She keeps missing cues and snapping at Murdoc when he berates her for it. Russel is at his wits end.

"One more time."

Paula keeps talking about Russel being obsessed

_Possessed_

by a dead rapper. She says she saw the ghost emerge from his head while he slept.

Murdoc says Kong is driving her bonkers. He says she won't be around for long.

2D doesn't want her to leave, even if she is slowly going mod

_Mad._

* * *

Russel says that last night he found Murdoc and Paula together in a bathroom stall. Murdoc is at the quack's getting is nose bandaged up. Paula left during the night.

2D doesn't believe him. He goes to her room and finds it empty.

He feels sick and angry and betrayed but most of all abandoned. Murdoc had stolen her, his parrot.

_It's PAULA_

_PAULA PAULA PAULA_

Not that it matters anymore.

Not that anything matters anymore.

2D is crying. He has no eyes, but the tears are dripping hot and fast down his face.

She was all he had left. She was the only real thing left. And now she's gone.

* * *

The crate is large and has the word FRAGILE written in big block letters. It has small holes on the side.

A little kid emerges from it.

The child is minuscule and cute. Russel says it's a girl.

The little girl only says "Noodle". She doesn't speak any English. No one understands her.

No one understands 2D either.

But she can play guitar and likes watching zombie movies with him.

She doesn't think there is anything wrong with him.

He's always wanted a baby sister.


End file.
